An Immodest Proposal

If you know me, there's a whole metric buttload of stuff I don't like. Somewhere near the top is 4chan, for various reasons. I'm not entirely sure why I hate 4chan (and all of its various apendages, both Internet- and real life-based); maybe it's the seething masses of tentacle porn-loving basement dwellers, the anonimity that gives them the balls to act in horrible ways they never would in reality, the inane memes that spread whenever some schmo says or does something only mildly amusing, or the community's ability to organize entire mobs of people to do whatever they want, just because somebody got bored enough to organize such a mob.

So, one day, while I was out having real-life friends, earning an honest day's pay, and being non-ugly enough to attract members of the opposite sex, I came up with an ingenious idea: make a reality show where a bunch of nerds try and survive in the real world in various ways. And I'm not talking slightly geeky, TV-friendly lovable losers; I'm talking taking a bunch of harcore, pasty, fat, 4chan-frequenting, meme-spouting, expensive-coffee-delivered-from-their-mom-while-they-play-WoW-swilling, all-around depressing examples of humanity, and dropping them in the middle of various real-life, non-computer-related situations, left to fend for themselves.

Challenges would inlude things like:

Having to exercise

Having to navigate through the inner city without a GPS and with the knowledge that saying "nigger" in front of real-life black people will get your ass beat

Being tasked with hiking through the woods to get to some destination, with nothing but bottles of water and those really dry granola bars

Each guy will have to enter a bar and successfully get a date

Being given the task of starting and holding an intelligent conversation with a person face-to-face

Having some sort of privelege taken away whenever they make a reference to any internet meme

Having to go the entire length of the show without any computer or internet access

I'm reasonably certain this would be the first reality show to have an on-set suicide; after a long day of attempting to hail down cabs in the city while suffering crippling sunburn in front of sexy single ladies, some guy would probably realize a couple days in that all his buddies in Anonymous are probably making a humiliating meme or three out of his pathetic antics, and off himself. Failing that (most likely due to, y'know, ethics, and all), somebody would be reduced to a gibbering mess at least by the first episode.

So, Fox, or whoever, get on this. Like, now.